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Tuesday, April 30, 2013

I know that look


It had been only three months since we purchased our first home when my husband met me in the kitchen with a look in his eyes I hadn’t seen before.  He grabbed my hands, looked into my questioning eyes, and told me about an email he had received.  The Navy was sending him to Afghanistan.  He would leave in a month.

I know my knees buckled and  I clung to my husband, shocked. 

My next clear memory is of us sitting at our kitchen table, sighing big sighs, trying to pry our minds and hearts open wide enough to take in our new, monumental reality.

Two weeks ago, on a Monday morning I barreled into our bedroom where my husband was busy working, asking where I could find our extra checks so I could pay the piano tuner.  I was stopped in my tracks by the slow turning of his head from the computer screen.  On his face I saw an eerily familiar look, tender, shocked, excited, one I remembered from that day in our kitchen years ago.  The Navy was calling once again, asking him this time to teach, sending him this time to a place where we could all go.

Our family will be packing up this summer and moving all the way across this great land of ours, from our home here in Southern California to the state of my birth, Maryland. 

Understandably it has been hard for me to write lately, hard to find a way through the whirl in my head and put words down.  Inside the whirl are military acronyms like PCS and DITY and  I have spent way too much time online trying to understand the layout of the city of Annapolis, which is hard for a girl who doesn’t carry a map in her head.  Remember that quote from Prince Caspian, anyone?

There are so many layers to this, so many things I am pondering, ways that this could go, reasons I think God may be moving us there, moving us now.

I am sure we are not the only couple who stays up late at night talking out our dreams.  Or whose conversations on date nights revolve often around the what-ifs of the future.  I love dreaming with my husband.  The possibility of Annapolis has been a part of those dreamy conversations and I am giddy to know that a door to a dream we have dreamt together is opening.

We have told our kids, our families, and the word is trickling out to our community here.  And you know what?  Maybe I am seeing something that is not really there, but it feels like something has already shifted in our family, like we are turned toward one another in a subtle but powerful and different way.  Perhaps it is because we know that soon it will be just the five of us.  I have noticed more deliberate talking and sharing of feelings and thoughts.  More laughter and inside jokes.  More tears and tender conversations.

My dear husband, professor that he is, asked each of our kids to write down their thoughts about moving.  They willingly complied, and I will close with the conclusion written by my 12-year old:

“In conclusion, moving gives me mixed thoughts.  One side of me is excited for a new experience, while the other mourns its fate.  I can only hope the two will balance out.”

Exactly how I feel, son.
visit Holley's blog to read other posts by my God-sized Dream Team sisters!

24 comments:

  1. Wow, Amy! What big changes! Prayers for this new venture, for dreams, for mixed feelings.

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    1. Thank you, Mandy! I appreciate the prayers so much!!

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  2. Amy, what a perfect way for your son to summarize his feelings. I think most of us can probably relate at one time or another in our lives...the mixed feelings of excitement and nerves/fear when we step out in faith.
    Blessings,
    Laura

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    1. Thank you for your kind comment...sometimes kids put things just perfectly, don't they?!

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  3. What an exciting adventure for you guys! Do you know if it's long term/permanent?
    Stephanie DeYong

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    1. Stephanie, it will be for three years. Since we are going on military orders, the university where my husband teaches has to keep his job for him. So we are seeing this as a great adventure because we are planning on returning here after the three years.

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  4. Wow...exciting changes coming! I'll keep you in my prayers...goodbyes and hellos always bring those mixed feelings. Blessings! :)

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    1. Mel, thank you for your prayers! You know what is crazy? I will probably drive to Allume! Glad I didn't rush to buy my plane ticket :)

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  5. Amy I loved reading the part about how you and your husband dream about things together. Those are some of my favorite conversations to have with my hubbie. I am so glad that this dream of yours has come about.~Sara

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  6. I can't think of anyone better to dream with than your husband. I'll be praying for God protection and direction as you follow these changes.

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    1. Thank you for your prayers...I feel the peace that passes understanding, and I am grateful.

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  7. Amy,
    When your husband gave you that look, you ran into his arms, not out the door screaming. That, and faith, will get you though anything. I know all will be well in time. We are praying you through.
    Peace and good,
    Chelle

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    1. Chelle, you crack me up! And encourage me profoundly...thank you for both! Praising God today for the peace I feel, that He is in charge of the details.

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  8. Amy, congrats on the amazing journey ahead of you! Just last year our own family embarked on a similar journey of moving away from everything we'd ever known. We arrived all on our own to a new state, with no family or friends. But, it has been SO amazing! God surely has taken care of us, and we've grown so much closer because of it. I wouldn't trade it for the world!! We'll keep your family in our prayers. Good luck :)

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    1. Thank you so much, Lisa! I am feeling such peace...seriously, it must be all the prayers! So glad to hear of the journey your family has taken and how well it has gone. Very encouraging!!

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  9. Do you know what the best thing about this move is? You get to go as a family! I'm excited for you, for all the amazing things that God has in store for you all. Prayers and blessings!

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    1. Thanks so much, Sara! I appreciate the prayers and encouragement so much, as it is starting to sink in more and more that we are actually leaving this place, and more importantly, these people. Blessings to you!!

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  10. I loved reading your post, Amy. So amazed at how God continually works and moves in our lives. The future is uncertain...from our point of view. But, how comforting to know that God is already there! He sees the end from the beginning and has all things under His control. May He make duty plain before you and lead you in paths of peace. Love and blessings to you, Cheryl

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    1. The truth of your words is comforting to me, Cheryl. I am grateful that he sees what I cannot, holds what I cannot, and is already working where I cannot. Your words blessed me today...thank you!

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  11. WoW! What an awesome post ... my Dad way a military man ... I love the way you describe this crazy God Centered ... move at the drop of a hat ... LIFE!

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    1. Thanks so much, Sonya! I am trying to enjoy this crazy ride :).

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  12. I've never had to make that big a move, though we've moved many times, nor is my husband involved with the military, but one thing I know. God will go before you, He will be with you in the middle and He will see you through all the changes. I pray your dream will be a beautiful reality!

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    1. Lani, your encouragement was so needed this morning...thank you! You are so right, that God is behind and before, and here in the waiting as well. Bless you today!!

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